I'm just annoyed with myself I really am.

actually I've been having nightmares and stressful periods about what I'm going to do in future.

worst timing ever since I've loads to settle e.g. internships, exchange and army

Chad Michaels from Rupaul's Drag Race phrased it so well.

On winning Rupaul's Drag Race, what would it mean? "It would be justifying all the support that I have had."

And this is why I work so hard, I think.

just saw the cutest guy ever for the second time! I hope I see him more; I hope somehow I get to know him heehee. but gah, unlikely.

The sound of the storm is terrifying. I'm glad I'm in my messy little room.

But you know, I really don't know what I'm doing. This semester, I feel like I've lost all steam. I guess perhaps I'm just wondering if what I had chosen is right; but as what we have learned in Accounting, it is a sunk cost and I should not think about it. No matter how much I'll miss hall, I've given it up and it's no more than a distant dream now. So let us not ponder on things that cannot be and look at the things that can.

I've started a new system to try to get my life in order: thesecretweapon.org. Anyone who is interested can try it out too; I feel like it's pretty useful to be honest, one of the first organizers that I'm really using properly. My cute physical one that I bought... meh, I'm not using it much.

This week there's a test. Next week I'll have 2, along with a presentation which would hopefully be done by today.

That's about it. Life, here I come.

When you do something big, something that took a lot of your time and you put in loads of effort into it

then you see others who maybe did the same as you, or maybe even less

getting surrounded by loads of friends who came to support

burying them with flowers and teddy bears

and you wander around

looking

you feel
alone

and I thought

I was

over

feeling lonely

but I guess not


and then

it's over

just like that.

you did a good job

but for people who
don't know
you

does it matter?

I guess.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he says, as if there's something wrong with that statement. The truth is, none of us knows what we're doing and we're doing fine. Or as fine as we can do. He says that he's getting himself into so much but all these expectations that he has seem to just build up and he can't stop it. That is what happens: expectations build upon expectations. When you half-heartedly hit one of them, you build one more upon it. And another. And another. Then you've a whole mountain of expectations to fulfill and to climb, just so you can place just one more. You tell yourself that's the last one, but it never is.

The only solution I can see is to think less. To probe less. To go on with life not worrying. Or having one single goal, just an expectation to fulfill. Goals are like expectations for yourself (the worst kind). The other expectations that others conferred upon you can dangle at the sides while this one weighs heavily on your crown. She says that that is a trap, that that stifles you and stops you from enjoying what life truly can be.

So he says he can't keep it together. And I know I can't keep it together. And actually, she can't but she doesn't want to think about it.

And we are all the same person. Me. And who should I choose to be?

I just gave up. So much backlog. But I really don't feel like doing it. Maybe next time.

this whole semester has been fine. I've been very appreciative and he has been very nice. But I'm fucking pissed omg I have a whole of lessons and I'm bloody sick now I have a pounding headache and he was planningg to study until 4am yesterday and I was thought it was a test today but it ISNT it is a test for THURSDAY wtf so why can't you study late at night TMR????? I have early lessons everyday but today I have NO BREAKS AT ALL and I'm at my sickest wtf. go fuck yourself. now I feel REALLY like shit.